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教育孩子的好方法

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教育孩子的好方法

David, my next-door neighbor, has two young kids aged five and seven. One day he was teaching his seven-year-old son Kelly how to push the lawn mower around the yard. As he was teaching him how to turn the mower around at the end of the lawn, his wife, Jan, called to him to ask a question. As David turned to answer the question, Kelly pushed the lawn mower right through the flower bed at the edge of the lawn--leaving a two-foot wide path leveled to the ground!

When David turned back around and saw what had happened, he began to lose control. David had put a lot of time and effort into making those flower beds the envy of the neighborhood. As he began to raise his voice to his son, Jan walked quickly over to him, put her hand on his shoulder and said,"David, please remember... we're raising children, not flowers!"

Jan reminded me how important it is as a parent to remember our priorities. Kids and their self-esteem are more important than any physical object they might break or destroy. The window pane shattered by a baseball, a lamp knocked over by a careless child, or a plate dropped in the kitchen are already broken. The flowers are already dead. We must remember not to add to the destruction by breaking a child's spirit and deadening his sense of liveliness.

I was buying a sport coat a few weeks ago and Mark Michaels, the owner of the store, and I were discussing parenting. He told me that while he and his wife and seven-year-old daughter were out for dinner, his daughter knocked over her water glass. After the water was cleaned up without any recriminating remarks from her parents, she looked up and said, "You know, I really want to thank you guys for not being like other parents. Most of my friends' parents would have yelled at them and given them a lecture about paying more attention. Thanks for not doing that!"

Once, when I was having dinner with some friends, a similar incident happened. Their five-year-old son knocked over a glass of milk at the dinner table. When they immediately started in on him, I intentionally knocked my glass over, too. When I started to explain how I still knock things over even at the age of 48, the boy started to beam and the parents seemingly got the message and backed off. How easy it is to forget that we are all still learning.

I recently heard a story about a famous research scientist who had made several very important medical breakthroughs. He was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter who asked him why he thought he was able to be so much more creative than the average person.

He responded that, in his opinion, it all came from an experience with his mother that occurred when he was about two years old. He had been trying to remove a bottle of milk from the refrigerator when he lost his grip on the slippery bottle and it fell, spilling its contents all over the kitchen floor--a veritable sea of milk!

When his mother came into the kitchen, instead of yelling at him, giving him a lecture or punishing him, she said, "Robert, what a great and wonderful mess you have made! I have rarely seen such a huge puddle of milk. Well, the damage has already been done. Would you like to get down and play in the milk for a few minutes before we clean it up?"

Indeed, he did. After a few minutes, his mother said,"You know, Robert, whenever you make a mess like this, eventually you have to clean it up and restore everything to its proper order. So, how would you like to do that? We could use a sponge, a towel or a mop. Which do you prefer?" He chose the sponge and together they cleaned up the spilled milk.

His mother then said, "You know, what we have here is a failed experiment in how to effectively carry a big milk bottle with two tiny hands. Let's go out in the back yard and fill the bottle with water and see if you can discover a way to carry it without dropping it." The little boy learned that if he grasped the bottle at the top near lip with both hands, he could carry it without dropping it. What a wonderful lesson!

This renowned scientist then remarked that it was at that moment that he knew he didn't need to be afraid to make mistakes. Instead, he learned that mistakes were just opportunities for learning something new, which is, after all, what scientific experiments are all about. Even if the experiment doesn't work, we usually learn something valuable from it.

Wouldn't it be great if all parents would respond the way. Robert's mother responded to him?

One last story that illustrates the application of this attitude in an adult context was told on the radio several years back. A young woman was driving home from work when she snagged her fender on the brumper of another car. She was in tears as she explained that it was a new car, only a few days from the showroom. How was she over going to explain the damaged car to her husband?

The driver of the other car was sympathetic, but explained that they must note each other's license numbers and registration numbers. As the young woman reached into a large brown envelope to retrieve the documents, a piece of paper fell out. In a heavy masculine scrawl were these words:"In case of accident...remember, honey, it's you I love, not the car!"

Let's remember that our children's spirits are more important than any material things. When we do, self-esteem and love blossom will grow more beautifully than any bed of flowers ever could.

我隔壁邻居戴维有两个五岁和七岁的小孩。一天,他在教他七岁的儿子凯莉如何把割草机推到院子里。当他教他如何在草坪的尽头转动割草机时,他的妻子简向他打电话问了一个问题。当戴维转过身来回答这个问题时,凯莉把割草机推到草坪边缘的花坛里,留下了一条两英尺宽的小路!
 
当戴维转过身去看发生了什么事时,他开始失去控制。戴维花了很多时间和精力,使那些花坛成为邻居羡慕的对象。当他开始向儿子说话时,简快步走到他跟前,把手放在他的肩上,说:“戴维,请记住…我们养孩子,不是养花!”
 
简提醒我,作为父母,记住我们的优先事项是多么重要。孩子们和他们的自尊比他们可能破坏或破坏的任何物理目标更为重要。窗户被棒球打碎了,一个粗心的孩子打翻的灯,或者掉在厨房里的盘子都碎了。花儿已经死了。我们必须记得不要打破一个孩子的心灵,使他充满活力的感觉增加的破坏。
 
几周前我买了一件运动服,商店老板Mark Michaels也在讨论育儿。他告诉我,当他和他的妻子和七岁的女儿出去吃饭时,他的女儿打翻了她的水杯。在水被清理干净没有任何反责的话从她的父母,她抬头看了看,说,“你知道,我真的要感谢你们没有像其他父母。我的大多数朋友的父母都会对他们大吼大叫,并给他们一个关于更多注意力的讲座。谢谢你没有那样做!”
 
有一次,我和几个朋友一起吃饭时,发生了一件类似的事。他们5岁的儿子在饭桌上打翻了一杯牛奶。当他们立即开始攻击他时,我故意把我的杯子打翻了。当我开始解释为什么我还是在48岁时就把东西打翻的时候,男孩开始发光了,父母似乎得到了信息并后退了。忘记我们都还在学习是多么容易啊。
 
最近我听了一个关于一位著名科学家的故事,他在医学上取得了一些重大突破。他正在接受一名报社记者的采访,他问他为什么认为自己能比一般人更有创造力。
 
他回答说,在他看来,这一切都源于他母亲在他2岁时经历的一次经历。他一直在试图从冰箱里取出一瓶牛奶,但当他失去了对光滑的瓶子的控制时,它掉了下来,把它的东西溅到了厨房的地板上——一个名副其实的牛奶海!
 
当他的母亲走进厨房,而不是对他大喊大叫,给他一个教训或惩罚他,她说,“罗伯特,多么伟大和美妙的混乱,你做了!我很少见过这么大的牛奶池。好了,损坏已经做了。在我们打扫之前,你想不想在牛奶里玩几分钟?”
 
的确,他做到了。几分钟后,他的母亲说:“你知道,罗伯特,每当你把这件事弄得一团糟的时候,你就得把它清理干净,使一切恢复正常。那么,你想怎么做呢?我们可以用海绵、毛巾或拖把。你更喜欢哪一个?”他选择了海绵,一起清理了溢出的牛奶。
 
他的母亲说:“你知道,我们这里有一个失败的实验,关于如何有效地携带一个大的牛奶瓶用两只小手。我们到后院去,把瓶子装满水,看看你是否能找到一种方法不把它扔下去。”小男孩知道,如果他用双手抓住瓶子顶部的嘴唇,他就能把瓶子搬起来而不掉下来。多么精彩的一课!
 
这位著名的科学家接着说,就在那个时候,他知道他不必害怕犯错误。相反,他认识到错误只是学习新事物的机会,毕竟,科学实验是关于什么的。即使实验不起作用,我们通常也能从中学到一些有价值的东西。
 
如果所有的父母都这样回应,不是很好吗?。罗伯特的母亲回应了他?
 
最后一个故事说明了这种态度在成人背景下的应用。一个年轻女人下班后开车回家,当她被她挡在了另一辆车的brumper。她哭着解释说那是一辆新车,离展厅只有几天时间。她打算怎样把损坏的汽车解释给她丈夫听?

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