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在镜子中的女子 中英双文

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我11岁的时候,我发现我有脑肿瘤(脑肿瘤)。我做了手术切除它,但是肿瘤的大小和位置使我的视神经萎缩。三年之后,我有部分视力,但我的医生告诉我,我最终会失明。
 
在我第十四年结束时,医生宣布我在法律上瞎了眼,并说没有什么可以做的。我有5%的生存肿瘤的机会,我做到了,但不知怎的,我无法处理我失明的事实。我尽量表现得好像一切都很好。当它发生的时候,我被摧毁了。
 
 
 
我5岁的时候爸爸就离开了我们,我真的很难过。因为这一点,因为我是盲目的,我最大的恐惧是没有人会爱我,我永远不会结婚,有孩子和一个完整的生活。我害怕独处,我想这就是我认为盲目的意思。
 
十年后的11月16日,我正在做晚饭,俯身亲吻我的导盲犬Ami。我失去了平衡,头撞在咖啡桌的角上,然后摔在地板上。这并不少见。当你失明的时候,你总是打自己。我站起来,吃完晚饭就上床睡觉了。
 
当我醒来时,我能看见。光线从我的窗户射进来,窗帘也被拉了进来。当然,我很震惊,但不害怕,不像我失去了我的视线。我的卧室里有一面大镜子,但我没有马上看着自己。我想洗头发,先化妆。
 
我早上看起来不太好,我不想被吓到。当我沐浴时,我捕捉到了我的倒影。而这让我无言以对,真的。我最后一次见到我,我的头发很短,肤色苍白(肤色)和功能,没有因为我有这样的光,眉毛和睫毛。我看起来很糟糕,我想我是个十几岁的女孩。
 
突然,我意识到人们告诉我的是真的,我是一个迷人的女人。当我站在镜子前面时,我伸手去摸我的脸。
 
这就是我10年来一直在做的事情——我就是这样理解的——所以这是一种自然的冲动。直到我看到自己,我才意识到我的记忆已经褪色了许多我曾经见过的东西。大约四小时后我才告诉任何人。我和Ami在一起。我们互相看了看,在院子外面玩。我只想自己一个人,并把它(让…进入;改小;接受;改短)。太多了。
 
奇怪的是我知道它会发生。大约一周前,我走在AMI的前面,突然看到左眼前有一个蓝点,我将恢复视线。我告诉我妈妈,因为我发现它很有趣;蓝色是我最喜欢的颜色,是我看到部分视觉时最容易看到的颜色。我把它当作一个标志。
 
现在人们对我的态度不一样了。我一直是完全独立的。我住在奥克兰的新西兰,和我的狗在自己的公寓里。我会举行聚会,去夜总会。我会听音乐的节拍,跟着它走,希望最好的音乐。
 
当你的朋友抓住你,并指出你在另一个方向,因为他们实际上在那里,那就是当你记得你是盲目的。我也喜欢电影。盲目地去看电影就像有人给你讲了一个很棒的故事,有很好的音响效果,你把你脑海中的所有画面都整理出来。
 
自从我恢复视力以来,我一直没有回来过。但我已经能够看到我最喜欢的肥皂剧,“'shortland街。”我的朋友拿出杂志指出Pamela Lee Anderson和布拉德皮特。最大的惊喜是布拉德皮特。我只是想,大家都在干什么?最好是看我的男朋友。
 
他乘渡船过去,我一看见他就认出了他。他和我想象的一样性感。我对生活中几乎完全相同的东西并不感到惊讶。我没想到会有比现在更多的东西。我努力工作,让自己和真正的人在一起,为自己创造一个正常的生活。
 
我还是那个人。这只是意味着身体上,也许,我可以分享更多,把两者结合起来:我的感觉,与视线。
 
同一位医生告诉我,我再也看不到了,他告诉我,我左眼的视力恢复了80%。为了能看着他的眼睛,告诉他我可以再看一次——老实说,那感觉很好。他做了所有的测试,让我看了视力表,但他没有解释。他说自己还说,一旦视神经受损,它就不能再生。
 
我认为头上的撞击与它无关。如果其他人想相信这是怎么发生的,那很好。但我认为这是一个奇迹。没有其他方法可以描述它。有些事情就是无法解释的。当然,有些人持怀疑态度。对我来说,它是珍贵的。我尽量不去想再瞎一次的可能性。但我的恢复会不会少(简直)奇迹之夜


When I was 11, I found out I had a brain tumor(脑肿瘤). I had surgery to remove it, but the size and location of the tumor caused my optic nerve to atrophy. For three years afterward, I had partial sight, but my ophthalmologist told me that eventually I would go blind. 

At the end of my 14th year, doctors pronounced me legally blind and said there was nothing that could be done. I had a 5 percent chance of surviving the tumor, and I did, but somehow I could never deal with the fact that I was going blind. I tried to behave as if everything were just fine. When it happened, I was devastated. 

 

My dad left us when I was 5, and I took that really hard. Because of that, and because I was blind on top of it, my greatest fear was that no one was ever going to love me, that I would never get married and have kids and a full life. I was afraid of being alone, and I guess that is what I thought blindness meant.

Ten years later, on Nov. 16 of last year, I was cooking dinner and leaned over to kiss my guide dog, Ami. I lost my balance and hit my head on the corner of my coffee table and then on the floor. It wasn't unusual. When you are blind, you hit yourself all the time. I got up, finished making dinner and went to bed.

When I woke up, I could see. Light was coming through my window, and the curtains were drawn. Of course, I was shocked, but not scared, not like when I lost my sight. There is a big mirror in my bedroom, but I didn't look at myself right away. I wanted to wash my hair and put on makeup first.

I do not look good in the morning, and I didn't want to be frightened. As I was showering, I caught my reflection . And just that left me speechless, really. The last time I saw myself, I had short hair, a pale complexion(肤色) and features that didn't show because I had such light eyebrows and eyelashes. I looked awful, like a teenage girl, I suppose. 

Now, all of a sudden, I realized that it was true what people told me, that I was an attractive woman. When I stood in front of the mirror, I reached to touch my face. 

That is what I had been doing for 10 years -- it was how I understood -- so it was a natural impulse. It was not until I saw myself that I realized how much my memory had faded of things I once could see. It was about four hours before I told anyone. I stayed with Ami. We looked at each other and played outside in the yard. I just wanted to be alone, and take it in (让...进入; 改小; 接受; 改短). It was so much.

The strange thing was that I knew it was going to happen. About a week before, I was walking Ami and suddenly saw blue dots in front of my left eye, the one I would regain my sight in. I told my mum because I found it funny; blue had been my favorite color and was the easiest color for me to see when I had partial sight. I took it as a sign.

People don't treat me differently now. I was always completely independent. I lived in Auckland, New Zealand, in my own flat with my dog. I would have parties and go clubbing. I would listen to the beat of the music and go with it and hope for the best.

When your friends grab you and point you in the other direction because they are actually over there, that is when you remember you're blind. I also loved movies. Going to the movies blind was like someone telling you a really good story with great sound effects, and you make up all the images in your head.

I haven't been back since I regained my sight. But I've been able to see my favorite soap, ''Shortland Street.'' And my friends took out magazines and pointed out Pamela Lee Anderson and Brad Pitt. The biggest surprise was Brad Pitt. I just thought, What is everyone going on about? The best was seeing my boyfriend.

He rode the ferry over, and I knew him the moment I saw him. He was as sexy as I had imagined. I am not surprised that things are pretty much the same in my life. I didn't expect anything more than what I have now. I worked very hard to surround myself with genuine people and to create a normal life for myself.

I am still the same person. It just means that physically, perhaps, I can share more and put the two together: the feelings I had, with sight.

The same doctor who told me I would never see again told me I had regained 80 percent of the vision in my left eye. To be able to look him in the eye and tell him I could see again -- honestly, that felt pretty damn good. He ran all the tests and made me read the eye chart, but he has no explanation. He said himself, and still says, that once the optic nerve is damaged, it cannot regenerate.

I don't think the knock on the head had anything to do with it. If others want to believe that is how it happened, that is fine. But I consider this a miracle. There is no other way to describe it. Some things just cannot be explained. Of course, some people are skeptical . For me, it is precious. I try not to think about the possibility of going blind again. But my recovery would be no less (简直) a miracle even if I lost my sight tomorrow.

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