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Feeling Lonely Could Be Killing You

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孤独是可怕的杀手

新的研究表明,孤独感会让你提前死亡的风险更大。幸运的是,我们知道一些对付孤独的好方法。
 
感觉孤独?那么你几乎肯定要死了。
 
好吧,不是真的。但两项新的研究表明,孤独感能加速死亡。随后的一项研究发现,45岁以上独居和容易患心脏病的人比那些与配偶、亲戚或其他三名性取向的老太太生活在一起的人死亡的可能性高出近25%。研究人员认为,独自居住的人很少吃药,吃得健康,更不用说有人拨打911的时候,他们的心像一个无油发动机失灵。
 
第二项研究集中在60岁以上的人,他们把孤独感或孤独感与早逝的风险联系起来。约45%的男性和59%的女性如果觉得自己被冷落,则更有可能死亡。此外,隔离,这些感受,有参与者是否与别人未婚配偶证明是致命的一个空荡荡的公寓住。
 
但不要害怕!我们知道,为了避免破碎孤独的几种方式,即使每个人都是你所知道的最终认为你不配爱。如:
 
•前往附近的一个水坑,找一个独自坐在酒吧的人。然后取笑你脑袋里的那个人,当你被抹杀的时候,他是个可悲的失败者。
 
•买一个人体模型,但把部分肢体脱下来。这样的话,你会立刻有话要讲:“你怎么会失去肢体,Manny?“……”天哪,听起来糟透了!“
 
•漫步到一个狗公园,和陌生人搭讪你一直想养狗,但由于你的过敏症,你永远也不会有狗。擤鼻涕。然后让陌生人的同情像一个温暖的泡泡浴般洗涤你。
 
•去平日日场坏电影和坐在旁边的其他人只有在剧院。但不要对他说一句话,你不想破坏他电影的经历。
 
•邀请你的邻居去喝一些刚榨出来的柠檬水。但一定要毒死柠檬水,这样,一旦你的邻居死了,你就可以偷走他的身份和他的朋友了。

New studies suggest that feeling lonely puts you at greater risk of an early death. Luckily, we know some terrific ways to combat loneliness.

Feeling lonely? Then you’re almost certainly about to die.

Okay, not really. But two new studies do suggest that feeling alone can hasten death. One study followed found that people over 45 years old who lived alone and were prone to heart problems were almost 25 percent more likely to die from them than people who lived with a spouse, a relative, or three other sex-obsessed older ladies. Researchers think that people living alone are less likely to take their medication and eat healthily — not to mention have someone there to dial 911 when their hearts seize up like an oilless engine.

The second study focused on people 60 and older, and linked feelings of loneliness or isolation with a higher risk of early death. About 45 percent of men and 59 percent of women were more likely to die if they reported feeling left out. These feelings of isolation, moreover, had little to do with whether the participants lived with someone else — a neglectful spouse proved just as deadly as an otherwise empty apartment.

But never fear! We know several ways to avoid crushing feelings of loneliness, even if everyone you’ve ever known has ultimately deemed you undeserving of love. Such as:

• Head to a neighborhood watering hole and look for someone sitting alone at the bar. Then make fun of the person in your head for being such a pathetic loser while you get obliterated.

• Buy a mannequin, but leave some of the limbs off of it. That way, you’ll immediately have something to talk about: ”How’d you lose that limb, Manny?” … ”Gosh, that sounds awful!”

• Wander into a dog park and strike up conversations with strangers about how you’ve always wanted a dog, but could never have one because of your horrible allergies. Blow your nose a lot. Then let the strangers’ sympathy wash over you like a warm bubble bath.

• Go to weekday matinees of bad movies and sit next to the only other person in the theater. But don’t say a word to him — you don’t want to disrupt his movie-going experience.

• Invite your neighbor over for some freshly squeezed lemonade. But make sure to poison the lemonade so that, once your neighbor is dead, you can steal his identity and all of his friends.


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